Good bye Malaysia :(

Morning peeps ! today will be my last day in Malaysia, hukhukk, sedihh lah pulak enn, and after this, new journey will begin. after all, selama 2 bulan kt Malaysia tkde lah teruk or best sgt. just so sooo. hai ape aku merepek nihh ? hmmm acah2 b4 nih nak buat journal saat akhir kunun, haha tp 1 hape pun tk menjadi, cuz too busy too update, pg sana sini, chehhh very the busy lah ! :D btw, my flight will be at 3.30 PM. so wish me luck guys. for a mean time, mybe akan jarang online kot, cuz busy study lah kate kan, n tomorow class will be starting, omygod ! -.- frankly speak, not so ready actually, but wht to do, life must go on n berkorban apa saje demi ilmu :) haha okay cut the crap ! got to go fellas, belum mandi ! haha. so catch u up later, n the next update will be coming ur way, insyaAllah. Goodbye Malaysia :(

Saat-saat akhir Part 1

Morning ! :) so, td malam dah berazam nk pg joging pg2 nih n u knw wht ? i did it ! hehe walaupun tk berlari, tp atleast i've been walking like mybe 1 hour non stop ! cheehh caya lah ! haha alaa stakat nk keluar kan peluh je n nak ambik berkat rezeki pg lah kate kan :) so today's journey is beginnign since i woke up at 7.30 am. keluar rumah dlm pukul 7.45. jalan punya jalan menikmati pg yg indah :) ambik angin, sambil menikmati alam ciptaan Allah ni. huishh tenang2 :D n smpai rumah dlm 8.45 mcm tu n settle kan sikit kerja rumah, mandi, n now dok lah mengadap laptop nii. been thinking to write some journal b4 i leave :) so i got class to attend, will update afta the class finish. stay tuned ! chewahh

12.10 PM : class cancel. tp kena pg class brainwash -.- kena brainwash kaw2. keep repeating the same thing n smpai 1 tahap rse mcm serba salah hidup kt dunia nii. sometimes trfikir jugak, kenapalah aku tk jd air ke, tk jd batu ke, jd bnda yg heartless ke -.- biar semua org suka, biar semua org tk sakit hati with my presence. stress, biol kepala otak, many more :( sungguh ! serba salah aku dibuatnya hidup ni. kesal -.-terasa diri ni mcm tak boleh dipercayai langsung. it's like.........tk tau lah nk buat apa skarang. mcm hari kehancuran dunia je aku nih. mcm tkde life. kenapa aku yg trpilih ???

4.40 PM : just woke up from nap. erghh masih dipanggil nap ke ? tidur dr kul 12.30 tngah hari smpai 4.4o ptg ? hmm tension punya pasal kot. so tlh brfikir untuk keluar, amek angin ptg. pg jalan2 tenang kan fikiran sebelum menunggu masa kena "BOOM" -.- havent had my lunch yet. serba salah nk keluar bilik. serba salah nk turun. cepat lah hari ahad menjelma, biar aman sikit hidup org dlm rumah ni, tk payah kering2 darah fikirkan hal aku sorang je. wait ! b4 keluar, kain belum lipat. settlekan kain dulu lahh. stay tuned :)

7.56 PM : hello ! bertemu kembali. bru habis menyiang ikan di dapur :D so now tk tau nk buat ape, kinda starving -.- tuleeeee, td org ajak makan tk mau, jjual mahal, kan dah jd awang ! -.- tkpe2, cool, mlm2 tk boleh mkn, nnt meletup badan tu karang :O so, got nothing to say actually. having cookies right now, hihi. belum mandi lg nih. sat lg lah.

11.00 PM : well just watched no strings attached :D n dah mandi :) nak kemas2 bilik and nk pack barang sikit. hmm i think today's journey will end here. oh lupa ! the condition is still the same. aku rasa kesal n geram sgt ! but wht to do, i cant do anything -.- feel sad :( i want that jubah so much :( tk tau lah ada rezeki ke tk nk dpt jubah tu cuz wa tngah broke gila nihhhh :( time to sleep i think. today's journey will end here, goodnight ! :)

Kekhilafan Diri

sebak di dada hanya Allah je yang tau. bila tgk-tgk balik old posts, mostly aku update semua cte sedih je. yelah, mostly moment yg aku alami dlm hidup ni kebanyakan sedih je memanjang. baru kejap nii. rse sebak nih membuak buak sgt bila dia perli aku mcm tu... okay fine. i realize that all these while i've been depending on u guys, but, come on, if i have my own money, i never use it for my own. sometimes i use it to make everyones around me happy. i know, it's my mistake for spending the money overlimit, but im just a human, manusia, pantang ada duit sikit..

but anyway, try to be cool.. hidup mmg mcm ni, kena selalu sabar, sebagaimana Allah berfirman, Allah sentiasa bersama org yg sabar. yeee, sekasar kasar aku, hati ni lembut, tk sampai hati nk jd org yg hati kering, yg tk boleh nk maaf kan org, tp lama2, maafkan jugak org, walaupun perit mana dia buat kita. life, kena give and take. serba salah dibuat nya, bila balik sana, rindu yg dkt sini, tp bila dah dkt sini, rse mcm bnyak menyusah kan semua org, kenapa n kenapa ? salah diri sndiri jugak. umur dah besar panjang, tp perangai mcm budak2, tk matang langusng ! dok ckp org tk matang tak matang, tp ada tk cermin kan diri sndiri tu ? klu lah ada ujian berfikir dulu sblm buat, aku mybe diantara calon2 yg failed kot !

ingat sikit oi ! next year dah nak masuk 20 tahun ! sikit lg dah boleh kahwin, hekk tgk lah, itu pun klu ada rezeki, ada org nak, ada jodoh baik, tp apa pun, lama kelamaan, umur tu makin bnyak, so pertingkatkan lah prestasi diri, bak kata melodi, "pertingkatkan prestasi, kurangkan kontrovesi.." bila pikir2 balik, aku ni bnyk menyusah kan org kan ? ape lah jd nnt bila masa depan aku nnt ? takut karma :( hidup2, bila dilanda masalah mcm ni, rasa mcm dalam dunia nii, aku sorang je yg pikul masalah paling berat skali. insyaAllah, setiap masalah mesti ada jalan penyelesaian kannn, so smile :)

oh well 5 days to go. n lepas tu life will be back as normal. no more bangun lewat, no more tidur balik lepas solat subuh, n no more tv, laptop, handphone n mcm2 -.- so selama 2 bulan cuti ni ape aku dpt by duduk rumah ? sometimes bila pikir2 blaik ape bapak ckp, betul jugak. duduk rumah ni bnyk buang masa. makan, tidur, membesarkan badan :P elehh biar lah, janji hati senang, tk susah kan org :D

eh wa ckp betul lah. 5 hari je lg nak balik Indon tau ! lepas ni nk kena facing mcm2 dugaan n cabaran kt sana. like i used to -.- adehh, sabar je lah kot. bila pikir2 balik, kuat jugak en dugaan yg aku pernah facing b4 nih ? biasa2, hidup mcm roda, sekejap kt bawah sekejap kat atas, so, life must go on. tp rse cm tk sabar pulak nk balik sana, nk jumpa membe2 sana, tp at the same time, rse gerun jugak nak balik sana, facing mcm2 perangai kt sne -.- ape2 pun, redah je ! so ? tkda motif mlm ni, sekadar mengekspresi kan ape yg dirasai :)

sebagai seorang anak perempuan, saya tidak suka ditegur oleh seseorang yang bergelar bapa :/ it just hurt, that's all and i try to be a good person and bad stuff happens anyway..

hm hm hmmm. sye stress ! apa punca ? hanya sye dan Allah je yg tau -.- tragis nyer cte nihh ? tkde lah tragis mana, cuma hati ni macam rasa kena tembak je, ekelehhhh, dan dan, macam pernah rasa kena tembak pulak -.- okay cut the crap !

bukak fb, nampak nama awak, bukak google pun ! tbe tbe nama awak appear -.- kenapa n kenapa ? okay, al kisah, td bru je nak baca novel yg baru beli semalam, n tbe tbe ! watch it ! nama awak lagiiiiiiiiiiiiii ! ohh nooooooooo :( kenapa weh kenapaaaaa ? and started from last night, you were in my dream ! n even, u were in my dream when i was having my nap just now. tak lah stress mana pun, tp, sedikit sebanyak hidupku sedikit terganggu -.-
well dnt worry, i won't blame u 100 percent. it's my fault as well. my fault by falling for the wrong guy. ouchh ! -.-

okay sudah2 le tuuuuu, kembali ke alam realiti, di mana bumi berpijak, di situ langit dijunjung. and now im craving for somethng to eat, but dont know what. any suggestion ? jom keluar jalan jalan cari makan ? chowwwwww :)

Falling For You

I wanna scream because im CRAZY about someone, but i can't tell..

Missing You :(

i miss You a lot ! :( i miss Pasuruan, i miss Az-Zahro', and even i miss Aisha Al-Hamid indeed, i miss Soraya Alydrus, i miss Fathimah Alwi Ba'agil :( and i miss a few from Holaqoh Robiah :( but indeed, i miss YOU so much :( why all of sudden, since the very 1st time i reached home, our relationship seems very far away :( i was very busy with myself despite U will always be there for me :( tak pernah jemu. why all these happened to me ? im begging U :( please don't go astray from me :( U're part of my life. i feel lost recently without U :'( but as u promise me that U'll always be there for me and yes U're ! :)

and how my fav.Ukht, Aisha Al-Hamid ? :) i hope that she''ll always be fine :) like she said, 'even we're very hard to meet each other, but insyaAllah, selalu nyambung lewat du'a k' :)' uhibbuki jiddan sis :) hai sebenarnya motif malam nih, tk boleh tidur and 1 lagi disebabkan rindu yg sangat dan agak mendalam kepada si Dia :( tkpe, sekejap je masa berlalu, n afta this, everything will be normal as usuall :)

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim..

Kau bahagiakanlah hati-hati kami dengan mencintai dan merinduiMu setulus hati kami..

Bila sakit tiada resah,

Bila susah tiada gelisah,

Bila diberi kuasa,kami amanah..
Hakikat bahagia dari-Mu Ya Robbul Izzati..

Klu sudi, dengar lah lagu nih, insyaAllah ketenangan pasti diraih :) selamat mencuba ! :)

cant u just stop controling my life ? what do u want from me ? u were too busy thinking about ur fellas words, but did u ever think about ur daughter's feeling ? about how she felt and how was frustrated she were with the way u treat her ? what kind of lifestyle do u want her to be ? which path do u want her to follow ? hello ! im confused ! and more even confused with what are u trying to lead me up. frankly speak, mom, this is sucks ! i just cant accept it ! lepas nih, buang raket badminton tu jauh jauh, biar puas hati semua orang. totally stress out !

b

P/s : be grateful and satisfied with things that you already had, cuz Allah's watching you..

You, again !

Okay. You again :) Thank you very much for the approached, satu saat yang dah lama ku dambakan :) hati berbunga riang, bak lebah rindukan madu *okay, over bcuz im trully, passionately, deeply excited okay ! :) again tk boleh tidur lena :P *sorry ! -.- saya faham saya over, but what to do ? The happiness are very hard to appear in someones daily life, and thanks to Allah, Alhamdulillah, the happiness are by my side tonight :) toodles peeps ! kiss kiss :* hamboi hamboi, malam nih pulak yang over yeee, HAHA :P

Kamu

Aku tak boleh tidur malam bila berjumpa dan melihat mu..
Senyuman mu, suara mu, dan segala galanya tentang mu menghantuiku..
Berjubah putih tulang, dan berkopiah yang berwarna putih..
Sungguh, fotomu yang berjubah putih, berkopiah putih,
berridho'kan shawl yg berwarna hijau daun pisang pemberian dari Syaikhuna, Al-Habib Umar BSA serta siwak yg diberikan, ku tatap hampir setiap masa.. gila bukan ? Wa keff haaza ?

Kau.. sungguh hebat aura dirimu..
Dan tanpa berlengah telah berjaya menarik perhatian ku..
Andai 1 masa nanti kau dapat menempatkan diri di Darul Musthofa,
adakah kita bakal bertemu lagi.. ?

"Rahsia kan lah cintamu jika kau ingin redho kami" - SyeikhBuBakarBinSalim

An Nur

Ya Allah, please don't let me having that moment this month.
I wish to finish all my nights there.
The place where I can get the truth of peaceful.
The place where I could meet my Zauj there one day, hopefully.
And the place where there is full of your blessings there.
When I look at their face, i could feel the peaceful.
Could I be a part of them and a part of you ?
Zauji.. anta habibi :)

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight

Goodnight, hope that things work out all right"

Wish that 1 day he'll send me this song, but when ? No one knows, except Allah..

Cannot sleep

Tak boleh tidur -.- ye, tu lah title malam nih -- why ? no idea. terkedip kedip mata nih. dah try sepuasnya nk tidur, macam macam dah buat, puas lahh buat macam macam, pun tk boleh jugak nk lelap -.- maybe sebab dah selalu sgt kot tidur lambat :/ salah siapa ? tepuk dada tnya iman :) dalam mata tengah terkedip kedip td tuh, padahal hati nih dah nekad tknk online, just tk boleh tidur punya pasal, nk tknk online lah. haaa bila online, tercetus lah blog utk hari nih :) dalam diam diam td, tbe2 je memori lama menggamit -.- sumpah aku tk selesa lah dgn benda2 nih semua ! -.- n i feel like crying :( banyak sgt kot dosa aku slama nih smpai jd cmnihh -.- Allahumma firlana zunubana :( i will survive ! :) insyaAllah, O Allah, please guide me :)

Retlessness

Its already 11.27 PM. Terasa mcm restlessness lah. Kenapa eh ? Ntah, no idea. Hati sendiri pun tk tau nk cakap apa lg. Hidup, hidup dan hidup. Diam tk diam, dah seminggu kita semua berpuasa kan ? And seiring masa berjalan, dah pun masuk bulan 8, kejap je masa nih berlalu. What am i talking about ? It takes a long time for me to finish up this blog -.- entah apa yg ada dlm fikiran ni pun akku tk tahu. Tp macam ada sesuatu yg tk beres, and sesuatu tu, belum jelas and sukar di tafsir. Bayangnya pun belum jelas.. Well, its already 12.30 PM :( Alamat kalau tdo lambat nih, besok susah lah nk bngun -- so the next update will be coming ur way, nightnight fellas ;)

"ku tak ingin lagi
menunggu menanti
harapan tuk hidup kan cinta yg telah mati
ku tak ingin cuba
ku telah kecewa
lelah ku bersenyum, lelah ku bersandiwara"

Just love this quotes :) agak menyentuh sikit. hmm agak lama tk update blog kan ? er got nothing to update lah. life was good so far. lupa nak update on 24th July. Well, Happy Birthday to me :P im 19teen now :P dah besar ke eh ? err macam tk, tp mcm yee :P well Nad, u're a grown up girl and try to be like a grown up girl :) buang semua sikap keanak-anakan kau tuu, and cuba berfikir secara matang, and never do something before you think. Think 1st before you do.. and to you, thanks for the wish :) i've been waiting for it like ages :P even it was late, "better late than never".. and about the promises, i'll claim back once i touch down to Surabaya :P well, cakap kat sini pun, kau takkan tahu kan :) but janji tetap janji, so you must fuifill it :) And to Ukht, ana musytaq jiddan ilaik ! <3

Home sweet home

Home sweet home ! To the fellas, im back :) well actually baru je sampai rumah malam td. waduhhh cuaapek dehh and even skarang pun still lg ada hawa-hawa penat tu tk hilang lg. And my condition also not so fine cuz agak tk sedap badan, batuk batuk + selsema -.- perubahan cuaca kali :D and agak kebosanan sebenarnya. tk tau nk buat ape -.- takut nnt mati mendadak gara gara kebosanan, haha :P erghhh cuaca di luar agak panas gila lah, and now makan pun tk lg, bukan ape sihh, tp cm tkde semangat nk makan, i feel like something lost -.- and to ukhti, musytaq ilaik -.- wes tha lahh, dak ada mood mau nulis, lain hari aja dahh, toodles !

Never trust in LOVE

If u LOVE someone, NEVER expect someone to LOVE u back. LOVE IS BULLSHIT n there will be no TRUE LOVE. Such a nonsence !

Hate being stuck in here :(

Well school will be open in 2 days. N i already feel the feeling that i really hate :( bosan ! And somehow benci gila duduk sini :( even waktu cuti pun tk boleh keluar pg mana mana. Thts totally sucks ! After being here like 3 to 4 months n berguling dgn study like hell gila, nw, when we need somethng to enjoy, dan ia disekat ! What kind of holiday u called somehow ? All we cn do is like makan tdo makan tdo -.- thts sucks ! Nk keluar sesuka hati pun susah. And U have lost my ATM card ! Thts way more sucks !! My ATM, n its from my dad, n im way far from my country :( benci benci n benci ! Lucky me there's no money in my bank -.-

And ! Starting from this coming holiday (well even its still lmbt lg) I will never n never sit here, in this place, walhatta cuti dah start even 1 hari. NEVER ! Sebelum cuti start lg aku dah balik. I'll make this happen ~.~ God :( i have U. Help me in settle this problem :(

Warkah

Takkan lagi aku menunggu, kau hadir di dalam mimpi mimpi ku. Puas ku mengharap kan diri mu, seperti mereka yang punya cinta, diri ku tanpa dirimu, kau tempuhi penuh bahagia, diri ku mahu kau tahu, begini jika kau merasa. Langkah ku mengharapkan dirimu, seperti yg aku kenali dulu. Setia ku menanti kan diri mu, seperti setia nya terhadap diriku, tp ku melepaskan mu, melangkah namun tk berdaya, terus ku terus menunggu, cinta yang tak kan pernah ada.... Pahitnya perasaan ini :(

Sober

Nadia's back ! :D agak lame jugak lah en aku tk update blog -- n i miss blogging so much ! Bt wht to do, kepadatan jadual membuatkn aku sgtsgt melupakan semuanya. Well nw im back :) bt mybe its just for a while :( well i dnt cre. Lets enjoy it ! :D

Well at 1st, kehidupan di Surabaya brjalan dgn baik, so far alhamdulillah n lets pray tht afta ths pun semuanye brjalan dgn baik :) n for u guys info, im having my holidays nw, tinggal lg 2 weeks then afta tht sesi ta'lim pun brjalan spt biasa.

I dnt knw how to dscribe wht i feel right nw, bt aku rse cm sgt gelisah, even hati pun tk tenang :( i hate ths part right here. I miss my parents so much since dorg pun bru je blik Malaysia yest :( n i hate being apart from them :( ibu, bapak, did u guys knw tht u guys r my strength ? Nw i feel like very lonely n weak -.- only Allah's knw how i feel. And somehow, wht i feel right nw, got related wth the one i really care :( wht is he/she doing right nw ? I miss him/her so much. Bt i knw, i could be the last person tht he/she could realize my existence :(

And nw, sumpah bosan gila when u got stuck in place tht u tk biasa whch is my place -.- even kau merantau celah mane skali pun, negara sendiri jugak yg paling the best. Nak balik Malaysia :( and i wish a miracle could happen in ths 2 weeks bfore the class start. Amin !

Well somehow, in here, sedikit kaku lah pulak since dah lama tk blogging kan -.- got nothing to say, n the next update will be coming ur way, insyaAllah :) toodles !